Thursday, December 3, 2009

Beer Review, Bud Light Golden Wheat

So, last night I was at Jupiters and the Crossing, for pool, and I am perusing through the beer selection, and I notice Bud Light Golden Wheat. I haven't had this beer before, so I ask for one. Chris, the bartender, initially says no.

He will not give me one. He felt it almost like blasphemy to give me the beer. I explained to him that I haven't had it yet, and that it's all for just saying I've had it, and to see how it is.

He relents and gives me the beer.

If you were watching my twitter, or my facebook last night, you probably saw my review in 140 characters or less (there were 7 updates). Here's the flushed out version of that.

I poured it into a glass. This beer is probably not designed to be poured into a glass. It poured out yellow. There was initially a white head, but that went away really quickly. The picture is right after being poured, before any sips. As you can see, it went away fast. It did look like flat orange juice.

It had very little smell, even when it warmed up. There might have been some orange, but it was faint. It felt flat and thin. There was some acidic tingling to it, that I initially confused with carbonation, but it wasn't bubbles, it was acidic. The taste was orange-y. There was no hops evident, no wheat, no malt, no... nothing. It was just meh, bad orangeish. Overall, I hated drinking this. It was bad. It made absolutely no sense from a drinking perspective. There's no reason anyone should ever drink this beer, other than to say they had it. (Kind of like Bud American Ale).

What style of wheat is this even supposed to be. I can think of 3 main styles of wheat beers. 1 German Style, aka hefeweizens. This isn't a hefe. 2. Belgian Style wit. This isn't a wit, it says it's brewed with orange peel and coriander, so it might be trying to be a wit, but a Belgian wit it's not. 3. American style wheat. Those typically have a pronounced hop character (Three Floyds, Hoppin Frog). This had no hops. About the closest would be Belgian style. I guess since it's from AB, that means its an Belgian style, Belgian Wheat beer brewed in America. (Since budweiser itself is an American Style, Belgian light lager)

As I was sitting there drinking this horrible concoction, I got a text message from Smart@ss, saying that when he had it, it made him vomitously sick. This kind of scared me as Bud Select 55 gave me the shits. (oh look if you google Bud select 55 review, I'm #10, so people who search for a review of bud select 55 will see that it gave me the shits, huzzah) If crappy faux-beer products from Anheuser Busch make me and everyone I know ill, then our money won't be going to them.

Ok, one of my messages sent on twitter last night was this, as I was pondering why this beer was made...

I understand why now. this "craft" beer is so bad it will scare bud light drinkers from even trying craft beer. genius!
This beer is not designed for me. It's not designed for anyone who follows this blog. It's not designed for anyone who drinks "craft" beer. This beer is solely designed for Bud Light drinkers. It's for a small minority of Bud Light drinkers. It's for the ones who are actually thinking they might like to leave Bud Light behind and try to drink craft beer. This beer is horrible. It's GENIUS!!! They made a "craft" beer that is so bad, that people who think about switching will try this and say "No thanks, I'll stick with Bud Light!" This beer will scare people away from ever getting to something good. The worst part of it is, the deception is done by a company that they love and trust.

People who drink Bud Light, love them some Bud Light. They believe it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well, the best thing since sliced WHITE BREAD. (Give them a real loaf of bread and see how they react.) They put their faith and trust into Budweiser to give them a product that they love. They believe that bud light won't let them down. (same with wonder bread). They wouldn't expect bud light to put out a product that is nothing like what a wheat beer should be.

It will go something like this. They are out drinking with a friend at a bar, they order a bud light, their friend orders a Tucher.

Bud Light Guy: Man, how can you drink that stuff?
Tucher Guy: It's awesome, how can you drink that stuff?
Bud Light: I had a wheat beer once and it was horrible, that stuff is just plain old nasty.
Tucher Guy: Well wheat beers are susceptible to light and heat damage, but I don't think I've ever had one that was just nasty. What was it?
BL: Bud Light Golden Wheat.
Tucher: Well, do you want to try this?
BL: No thank you, I don't like those kinds of beers.
Tucher: Come on, just take a sip.
BL: Shut up homo.

(Ok, so I made a generalization there that bud light drinkers are homophobic, and anyone who doesn't agree with them is obviously a homosexual; I was going to use the f-word, but decided against it).

Let's read Anheuser-Busch's press release on BL GW.

“Bud Light has the unique ability to introduce wheat beers to a broader audience of beer drinkers,” said Mike Sundet, senior director of Bud Light brands. “With the personality of Bud Light, Bud Light Golden Wheat appeals to light beer drinkers who seek a variety of flavor options from their beer.”
See, Bud Light Golden Wheat isn't for me or you; it's designed to INTRODUCE wheat beers to beer drinkers. You never get a second chance to make a first impression; this shit is the first impression that most people will get.

This horrible beverage will drive people who think that they might want to try a "craft" beer, right back into the warm fat bosom of Bud Light. She'll probably have a sammich made with white bread there too.

“Bud Light Golden Wheat is not a craft beer, but captures the refreshment of the wheat beer style while remaining consistent with Bud Light’s product attributes that beer drinkers enjoy,” Sundet said. “Our Innovations and brewing teams have worked for almost two years developing Bud Light Golden Wheat from consumer insight and perfecting it to Bud Light standards.”
Wow, they don't even claim to be a craft beer. So, since it doesn't claim to be craft, this beer is just trying to keep bud light drinkers from straying from the budweiser market share.

Brewed at Anheuser-Busch’s Baldwinsville, Cartersville and Fort Collins breweries,
Bud Light Golden Wheat contains 118 calories, 4.1 percent alcohol by volume (also available in 3.2 percent ABW) and is available in 12-ounce glass bottles, 22-ounce single-serve bottles and draught.
Why would anyone need a 22 ounce bomber of this?

Based in St. Louis, Anheuser‑Busch is the leading American brewer, holding a 49.2 percent share of U.S. beer sales.
This beer is designed to keep that 49.2% market share, by saying, "Hey bud light drinkers, you see your friends drinking craft beers, well, here, try one." (Don't try one of theirs)

Why this beer was needed, is totally beyond my comprehension. AB already produces a "wheat" beer, in Michelob Shock Top. Is AB attempting to corner the market on orange-y wheat beers?

Budweiser should just stick to making Bud, and Bud Light. If they want to make better beers, they should point their drinkers to their Michelob lineup. Some of that stuff isn't too bad (I'm fond of Winter's Bourbon Cask Ale). Sadly, they've ruined their own image of Michelob by portraying it as a poor mans version of Budweiser, even though most of their stuff is superior to Buds.

I wonder, is this Shock Top light?

Save your money, don't buy or drink this beer. If you want a wheat, drink one. Don't drink this. And if you do get a hefe, don't put fruit in it.

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