time for reflection (oh, you look nice narcissus)

Time for reflection;

Around the birthday, I tend to think about where (in life) I'm at. I'm in no way disappointed in my life, my life is great. But I sometimes wonder, what is it supposed to be like? How is a guy "my age" supposed to act? Am I doing it right?

At this age, (and with facebook making it easy to compare to others my age, in my high school graduating class), where am I supposed to be?

It seems most everyone my age has kids. I don't, that probably explains my ability to do most of the things I do with my free time (not that there's a lot of it). Instead of going to the kids soccer game/lacrosse/hockey/little league, I'm doing it myself. Granted I'm kind of busy with work at Radio Maria on Sunday's but I'm on two softball teams. So, instead of going to the kids games, or being the kids coach, I'm on a team, and I'm the captain. Instead of taking the kids to boy or girl scouts, I'm in the beer club. I'm ok with that.

I do have a mortgage, so I guess I'm somewhat responsible in that manner. I don't rent, I'm not in an apartment, I'm not giving someone else money to make payments, so I'm good on that one.

I've got 2 jobs. Both of which I enjoy. The first time I touched a PC, a real one, not the ones we had in high school in '88; I figured that'd be something I'd want to do (I believe it was Dan Fuss' PC). Now, 20ish years later, I've got a career doing that. It pays well. I'm ok with doing it. Can I see myself doing it for another 20 years until retirement, yeah. My other job is as bartender and beer guy at Radio Maria. The first job pays the bills, the second one gives me my "walking around" money. I do the second one for fun. Whenever it gets busy, or I start to get angry at the other job, I remind myself, that I'm just doing it for fun. That changes my mood. It's like my hobby. I get to play with beer. I get to play with other liquors. I don't "need" to make a certain amount in a weekend to pay my rent. It's my hobby, and it pays damn well. (thank you to everyone who tips me). My buddy jim (in stl) has a hobby with jeeps. Skot is in a motorcycle club. Joy does gardening. Chet goes fishing. I get to make people drinks. I don't spend money at my hobby, I make it, which is pretty cool. That kind of sets me apart from the others that I work with, but not completely. I can go into work happy, because it's my choice to be there, not a necessity to pay for my phone. It doesn't mean I'm not going to take the money that I've earned/been given, you should still tip your bartender appropriately.

I'm not married, I have been. I have no plans to get remarried. I'm happy with where I'm at and what I've got. I don't like being told that I should get married (it really pisses me off). Kridz is fine with what we've got too.

I'm not at a point financially that I actually have extra money at the end of the month. I've still got debt, but after I pay my bills, there's money left over. That's just with the first job, the second job is like a bonus, again, it's walking around money. It feels kind of weird to pay the bills, and have money after. In 5 years or less, I'll be debt free (except for the mortgage), I'm good with that. It's not just going to be a light at the end of the tunnel; it'll be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I've got everything I need: a place to live, a car to get around in, clean clothes, and food to eat. I eat well. I haven't made hamburger helper in over two years. My idea of dinner isn't "what can I do with a pound of ground beef". I think I'm doing ok in that regards. Not that there's anything wrong with hamburger helper, I'd rather have beef tenderloin.

Yeah, I drink. Some might say I drink a lot. I don't feel I have a problem. It hasn't caused any problems with my relationships, and isn't hurting me monetarily. I'm not drunk every night. I don't drink every night. Last night, I had a beer at the Stube, and had a couple of ounces of something Skot brought over. Wednesday night, I was hammered, but I was at a concert. Tuesday I was pleasantly buzzed. Monday had a beer at my meeting at Radio. Sunday, didn't drink. Saturday, didn't drink. Friday, had a couple of beers after working. I don't drink everyday, and I don't get hammered every time I drink. When I do get drunk, I have a driver. I'm actually somewhat responsible. Yes, there are times when I've driven when I shouldn't have. I don't like to do that. I'm pretty sure most people who are drunk don't want to drive. But there are probably those that do. My girlfriend drives me to drink, then she drives me home. So, I guess this paragraph is, NO, I don't think I have a drinking problem (I don't think I'm an alcoholic).On nights when I don't go out, I don't stay at home and drink a case of beer, I don't drink a fifth of cheap whiskey/vodka/gin. If I have a beer at the house, it's probably something to go with what I'm eating. Or it's something I'm sharing with friends that are over to the house.

Speaking of friends, I have a very diverse group of friends. I think my group of close friends is an amazing bunch. (Who isn't glad that they are friends with who they are friends with?)Everyone who is with me most of the time is into craft beer (they didn't all start that way though). My softball teams are all people who I'd hang out with, and have hung out with. It's not just a collection of who's new and best and biggest. Some of the teams we play against, I can't fathom sitting down with them at a bar and having a beer. If all you are playing for is to be on the best team and only win, as opposed to having a good time with people who are your friends, I feel bad for you. I'd rather lose with people I care about, than win with people who I don't necessarily like. Of course, I'd rather win with my friends.

I have a Mohawk, I've had it for 5 years. I guess that's something that people my age aren't supposed to have/do. I'm not trying to fake being young, I just like it. I think it suits me. Yeah, I get it dyed every now and then, but that's because it looks better darker than with white. Sometimes, it does look good with a white streak, but then I want it to look different. The white in my mustache/beard… that's what makes me look old (I pluck that, or shave it off for vanity, because I don't want to look old and gray).

So, I think I'm pretty average for people my age. Yeah there are things I do that others my age don't, but that's because I don't have to have the kids in bed by 9. I've got more in common with people my age than with some of the younger… kids… that I am friends with. But, I just think I'm experienced… not old. I don't feel any different today than I did at 29 (when I got out of the army). I didn't feel different at 29 than I did at 25. I still think of myself as 25ish. Granted, I'm going to be 25 with 16 years of experience at it.